SATIRE: ASSETS DECLARATION FROM A BLOGGER

Hi Peeps, My name is Tundegold, i am a Blogger, and i blog right HERE: www.tundegold.com

I have decided to also join the moving train or trend in this era of assets declaration. Some folks may quip, Why is a Blogger declaring asset? what do we need the info. for? How much do they have self? This and that…before the barrage of million questions starts flooding through your mind, let me quickly tease you and open your eyes to the answers…

Yes oh! Aren’t we clamoring for politicians to declare assets because they are going to serve the public and public funds are at their disposal? Hen hen, so who are bloggers serving? SoYou see…I got you.(lol.) Did I hear you asking if public funds are at their disposal? Guy, take a time-out with Google, they sure have infos like that (Chai! there is God o) and if you are jesting asking how much does bloggers make? Linda Ikeji should be enough reference to study na, isn’t it?..Smiles..

Anyway, that said, the main purpose of this discourse is for me to declare my assets now that am serving the public diligently. Let all concern (LASTMA, EFCC,KAI, etc and the general public) take note of the following:

1.      That I own 4 fleet of Motorcycle popularly called Okada and all has been seized during the Fashola Administration in Lagos state

2.      That the only Bungalow i manage to erect in Shasha was earmarked for demolition and a canal was built in its stead, and am yet to be compensated

3.      That I have accounts with all the 22 commercial banks in Nigeria, out of which only two of these accounts is having fund

4.      Of this Two account is UBN where I have N37,419 and in Sterling where I have N520.16

5.      That I can boast of 30 singlets, 25 Boxers, 4 Pant trousers, 3 Pair of denims, 5 T-shirt, 7  Longsleeves, 2 Blazers, 2 pairs of canvas but 1 pair got bad after I attempted to Trek for Buhari/Osibanjo, 1 sandal, 3 Pairs of Covershoes and 16 sets of Ankara fabrics in my wardrobe

6.      That I own 2 small generator set popularly known as I better pass my neighbor, four rechargeable lamps, a Power Bank and a fairly-used Laptop

7.      That I have two shops to run other business of mine. The first is the Herbal medicine business known as Baba Alaagbo Ltd, the networth of the business is N125,000 and the second one is a container for Cooking Indomie. Its networth is N67,000

8.      That I own the following in the rented apartment where I live presently: a 16inch mattress, two cushion chairs, one fairly used Television, 1 techno phone, 2 ceiling fans , a set of pot, 1 dozen of spoons and 6 plates.

9.      That I manage a small poultry behind my house. I had 30 birds averagely, now 26 died due to diseases and possible inconducive climatic conditions.

10.   Finally, cash in hand is N2,310

This shall be available on all public sites for public consumption, and I hope this is simple enough for all to understand as am not opened to defending myself in the law court in this regard. Thanks for reading.

Fellow Nigerians, the stage is Set. So who will be the next to declare his/her assets?

-Tundegold